My faith is like shifting sand...
The word to the old Caedmon's Call song echo through my heart this week as I attempt to have some semblance of faith. God has always been faithful, has never been faithless to us. Has never let us down or left us out in the cold, though he frequently has left us in the dark as to what he's up to. So why do I shake and quake everytime I come up against hard times? Why do I freak out instead of resting in peace in Him?
We've announced our departure from church. We've started plans for a new church. We are finishing out our time and responsibilities. Part of what we have to do is find income until our church plant can support us. That seems fairly easy, but in this economic hard time and with 2 children and one only 11 weeks from joining us, it's harder than last time we were looking. For one thing, I'm nearly un-hire-able seeing as how I'll have to take maternity leave almost immediately. And secondly, Jonathan would really prefer for me not to work because he wants me to be with the kids and most of my paycheck would just go to childcare anyway! So that leaves the burden of the responsibility on him. And I believe the burden should be on him. I think that's how God designed marriage and family for the most part. But I'm so much of a do-er instead of a wait-er or a relax-and-see-what-happens-er.
This has been stressful at best and near-stroke-inducing at times. And I'm so ashamed of that. I'm a minister of the Gospel for a God that is bigger than anyone or anything. He is Lord of Hosts, Creater of the Universe and the Author and Perfector of our faith. He's going to have to work this out for us and IN me!
We've announced our departure from church. We've started plans for a new church. We are finishing out our time and responsibilities. Part of what we have to do is find income until our church plant can support us. That seems fairly easy, but in this economic hard time and with 2 children and one only 11 weeks from joining us, it's harder than last time we were looking. For one thing, I'm nearly un-hire-able seeing as how I'll have to take maternity leave almost immediately. And secondly, Jonathan would really prefer for me not to work because he wants me to be with the kids and most of my paycheck would just go to childcare anyway! So that leaves the burden of the responsibility on him. And I believe the burden should be on him. I think that's how God designed marriage and family for the most part. But I'm so much of a do-er instead of a wait-er or a relax-and-see-what-happens-er.
This has been stressful at best and near-stroke-inducing at times. And I'm so ashamed of that. I'm a minister of the Gospel for a God that is bigger than anyone or anything. He is Lord of Hosts, Creater of the Universe and the Author and Perfector of our faith. He's going to have to work this out for us and IN me!
